It is Ok

This year has been hard. Grief is hard. It’s hard because it is so difficult to understand. There are waves of intense and varied emotions, and a constant worry that even those closest to you are sick of you banging on about it.

It’s a continuous journey, and one that I don’t think I’ll ever really finish. But what I’ve learnt, and I’m still learning, is that IT IS OK.

It’s ok to have days when you don’t want to speak to anyone or get out of bed because everything feels like a bit too much, and you can’t imagine ever feeling happiness or a way forward or a future for yourself.

It’s ok to have days where you feel happy and positive, and want to go out and plan things and socialise, and feel excited about life again.

And equally, something that I don’t think is said often, it is ok to sometimes forget what you’re going through and forget that it has happened and that they existed.

You need to forgive yourself and your brain for giving your emotions a break every once in a while.

You need to forgive yourself for trying to find a way to keep going.

You need to forgive yourself for things you said or didn’t say, days you didn’t spend with them and conversations you were too scared to have.

And you need to forgive yourself for living and breathing, and for experiencing another day that was denied to them.

What is not ok is to waste time trying to find a reason or an explanation for the pain. Because sometimes in life, shit does just happen. With no reason. With no explanation. And spending hours of your life replaying and overthinking all the different scenarios is wasting time that could have been focused on healing.

So, it’s ok to laugh and love and enjoy moments again.

It’s ok to spend all your time with those you love and who just ‘get it’ without you having to say a word.

And it’s ok to try to fall in love with life and the world and yourself again. Just keep going 💖